Friday, August 12, 2011
Learning how to feel again
This is America, people! We get our fix and we're good to go. We laugh, we cry, we live, we die. But it's all good... right? Whatever we feel in our heart is just fine... right? And... feeling is good, right?
When I was a youngster - a tween, some would say - I rode the emotional roller coaster, like so many other American girls my age. All I needed was a good wash of endorphins over my sensitive brain, and I was the happiest woman alive. But if not, I was in the depths of despair. I fed myself lies to keep me up... or down... to produce the behavior I thought I needed to have. To say the least, I exhausted myself. I thought worshiping God was being successful in conjuring up adequate feelings of love-for-God and more hatred-for-self. Yeah. Emotions ruled me.
Then... that happened. About 2 to 3 years ago. You probably don't know what "that" is. That's OK. You probably wouldn't want to know. I was in pain. Uncharted. And not necessarily physical. It was too much. It never stopped. So I came up with a solution. I wouldn't feel it anymore. Simple? Maybe not.
You see, for a very long time, everything I experienced was negative. All my emotions were negative. All my emotions were influenced by the negative. Because that's all I knew. Everything was negative.
Gen 6:6 - God feels pain
Job 6:25 - honesty hurts sometimes!
Job 16:6 - sometimes pain isn't our own fault
Psalm 69:29 - God's salvation protects us
Jeremiah prophesies pain
John 16:21 - our pain is forgotten when we remember the joy to come
Hebrews 12:11 - discipline is good, but painful
Rev 21:4 - Someday, God will take all pain away.