Sunday, October 27, 2013

Why I HATE being flirted with

 I respect myself.
I don't think I'm the best thing that happened to society, or that I'm even a terribly significant person, but however obscure or replaceable I may be, I respect myself.
 Not only do I respect myself, I respect others. But most of all, I respect God. I respect that He created me in His perfect image, and since I am His redeemed child, that makes my body His temple.
 I am a person. I am valuable. I am intelligent. I am confident and independent. I am worth fighting for.
 That's why I hate - yes, hate - when guys decide that I'm physically pleasing enough to hit on, ignoring my other qualities, because they haven't taken the time to get to know me. And frankly, I don't think many would put the effort into starting a candid conversation; a conversation as one would expect to hear from two intelligent human beings, speaking about legitimate matters that apply to real life.
 Think about it - any girl who has an adequate amount of confidence in her own being will not feel complimented by being objectified by the opposite gender. To me, flirting conveys this: "You aren't worth enough to me to take up the time it would take to pursue your heart (but I don't give a d*mn about your heart, it's your body I'm after) so I'm going to see if you're stupid enough to buy into the act, so that I can get what I want for as little as possible." Why buy the cow when the milk is free? That implies that I'm for sale. News flash: I'm not!

 If flirting is a game, does that make me a toy? Because I'm not okay with that!

 Men: If you're worried that you'll never be noticed by women if you don't put yourself out there and flash a few toothy grins, that communicates that you have nothing better to give. If shallow charm is your only attractive quality, you might consider developing a little bit of character! (Which is, after all, a good things to have in life, in general.)
 Also, if the girls you hang out with only seem attracted to fast words and a dashing physique, don't walk, run! Girls like boys, but women like men.
 Some of the most attractive men I have ever set eyes on have been doing such "menial" tasks as carrying groceries, taking out the garbage, or babysitting. If you want to be simply irresistible, offer to hold a baby for a frazzled mother. Want a tip to drive us ladies crazy? Be kind to those who are slovenly, annoying, and unlovely. THE MOST attractive traits you could cultivate are these: respect, service, integrity (honesty), vision, and confidence.  Anything less, and my head will not turn in your direction.

 So if you want to be Prince Charming and win her heart, you had better man up. If you want me - or any other woman worth winning - it'll take a lot of courage, a lot of time, and a lot of respect. First, you'll have to talk to her father, guardian, or pastor. My dad is 6' and built like a tank. Did I mention he pumps iron and owns several rifles? He's rather protective, so he'll most likely grill you for an hour at least about your personal beliefs, past relationships, plan for the future, and how you feel about marriage and children. If you pass that test, don't expect things to get easier. Then you have to measure up to my standards. As you may have guessed, they're rather lofty, but not unrealistic. I don't expect a perfect man. After all, we all have flaws. I don't expect a hunk with perfect teeth and a successful career. I don't need flowers or candle-lit dinners. I'm not interested in money or gifts, or promises of a comfortable future. Indeed, those things are much more easily attained than integrity and godly morals.

 I know, this is a rant, but I believe that I'm allowed to be frustrated and feel insulted when I'm viewed as an object for someone else's fleeting visual enjoyment.

 My message to women: respect yourself. set boundaries.

 My message to men: respect us. reinforce boundaries.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Feminine, not Girly - plus a CD Review

I am feminine:
I can clean the house top to bottom without chipping a nail; I change diapers, rock-a-bye little children, and kiss "boo-boos." I wear dresses and denim skirts, simply because I can. I could counsel you on what hair care product to use, and what makeup looks best with your skin tone. A sewing machine has the place of honor in my room. I can bake a cherry pie from scratch, and mix my own spices. I can wash, dry, fold, and iron clothes like nobody's business! My hair is waist-length, and I can twist in into a bun in 5 seconds. I drink tea while I write poetry. I knit hats and scarves for my siblings. I love painting pretty pictures, and I wear polka-dots. I know how to walk in heels, and sit in a pencil skirt, and how to mend nylons. I can find the best deals on groceries. I rarely raise my voice, and say "please," and "thank you." My elders go by "sir," and "ma'am." My closet is overflowing with clothes and shoes. There's no doubt about it - I'm feminine.

I am NOT girly:
I not afraid of spiders and snakes. I can change the tires on my car, and know how to check the oil. I go running in the rain... barefoot. I listen to Christian rap, and jam out in our family van. I have a hunting license. Sometimes I use a bar of soap instead of shampoo. Makeup is an inconvenience. I burp when no one is listening. Giggling and talking about boys isn't my thing. I'm not afraid to work hard, get my clothes dirty, and lift heavy things. I can't remember the last time I've curled/straightened my hair. I go rock climbing, caving, and running. I helped my dad roof our house. I can lift 50lb bags and carry it on my shoulder. I'm less sensitive and dramatic than most guys I know. I can stand up for myself. I've gone weeks without shaving my legs (in the winter, when I wear pants). I know how to use a power drill. I always buy clothes at thrift shops, and accept hand-me-downs. I watch murder mysteries, but never soap operas. Big girls don't cry. It's pretty obvious - I'm NOT girly.

Ladies, are you confusing God's beautiful design of femininity, with the world's idea of "girly-ness?" Strive to be Women - not girls - tender and compassionate, yet strong and capable. Put away childish things, such as gossip, impurity, and self-centeredness. And don't confuse being feminine with being a feminist, which holds the opposite view of Scripture.

Still confused, or want to learn more? Check out Elizabeth and Anna Sophia Botkin's CD "Adventurous Femininity - when being 'girly' is not enough"