Monday, September 5, 2016

I'm that girl - an introspection

Part of my campus!

 First 2 weeks of classes done at Penn State! For being more than several hours away from my home state and embarking on a completely new, 4-year journey here in Pennsylvania, my life doesn't seem too out-of-the-ordinary. Maybe because life situations just constantly change for me, and maybe because the climate and terrain here are nearly identical to what I'm used to, I can't say.
 For those of you who don't know, I'm a 21-year-old freshman at Penn State, as of... 2.5 weeks ago! Studying Biochem and Molecular Biology (mostly gen ed for now, with a little physiology and math mixed in there), getting used to dorm life, and being surrounded by 40,000 people about my age: this is new to me! 
 Anyway, that's my update, along with a little non-rhyming word... conglomeration. A poem, perhaps? Basically saying that it's ok to be different, to be you, to think harder and stand out for the right reasons. I started thinking about whilst grocery shopping with my boyfriend, listening to your typical top-20 pop hits playing in Wal-Mart, and observing the droves of people that I've become accustomed to seeing and interacting with as of late. Just a few thoughts of mine put down on paper. 

I’m that girl
An introspection by Michaela Johnson

I’m not the kind of girl that boys write songs about
I took this pic in November '15
There’s no 21st century stereotypical beauty in my mirror
And while I have good tastes I also have respect
My body is my own and I clothe it with dignity

And while it’s true that I have a kind heart
And my tongue is laced with tact
I will not humor the choices that destroy those I love
The choices everyone else tip-toes around
I’m not that kind of girl

Some will know me as “the quiet one”
Because I refuse to take part in gossip
And idle words rob the mind of reason
And only turn the utterer to slander

It will leave me out of some circles
I’m odd; I’m “too old for my age,” you see
The one with longer shorts and shorter hair
The one “who would make a good mother;
“She’s that kind of girl”

And I guess I’d rather stay home and do laundry
Than go out and party on Friday night
Because I don’t wish to be made a fool of
And Saturday’s sun rises just as early

If you ask me for advice expect it to be practical
Expect me to put thought into a response
The response to any question asked me, really
But do not take this for any lack of wit
That’s the kind of girl I am

Some would speculate that I’ve been sheltered
That perhaps I’m afraid to try new things
And maybe I’m oblivious that I’m a little different
But abstinence does not mean ignorance

No, innocence does not make me naïve
And silence does not rid me of an opinion
Behind this face, though more naked than most
I have seen and felt more than anyone knows
Yes, I know the girl that I am

And the eyes that smile and seem to laugh
Have peered through the darkest of nights
And grown weary from coveted, yet elusive rest
And searched feverishly for light when none was found

Because all of the girl you now know to be me
Was stripped, layer by layer, from my heart
And I had to decide who I would recover to be
So my identity was forged in the flames
And so that’s the girl I am

I guess you could say that God has been good to me
Because I have been revived to a stronger state
And I have chosen to be compassionate
And I have chosen to be grateful, and gracious

Although I’m not necessarily memorable
And I doubt I’ll ever garner great attention
I choose love, and peace, and patience
And I’ll be fiercely loyal to those I choose to love
I’m that girl

I would say my independence has been tempered
On my own, and yet never alone
I’ve discovered that I’m strong
And yet not so strong to exclude others

I’ll admit I’m not unshakable, unbreakable
And sometimes… sometimes I’m a little fragile
I’m not the one to succeed in everything I wish to
I’m not the pillar of strength I want to be
No, I’m not that girl

And I’m not the one who is always put together
The one who is never sad or neglectful
So if you’re looking for super woman
I may have her hips, but I’ll never have her heart

But for everything I’m not, there’s something I am
If I’m not the prettiest, I have a good head on my shoulders
If I’m not the smartest, I’m at least determined
If I’m not perfect, I am definitely human
That’s me; I’m that girl

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

I'm back! With song lyrics: Whisper in the Wilderness

 Hello, my dear blog-readers, however many or few of you there may be. I do realize that the earth has rotated quite a few times since I've last posted, and I do have a reason for that... which I will get into in a later post.
 I do feel led to post some lyrics that I've stayed up writing, because they kept on bouncing around in my head while I was trying to force myself to be sleepy. And since that rarely works, I turned little lamp on, rubbed my eyes, and started furiously scribbling in my notebook. I hope this turns out to be as good for me tomorrow morning as it was tonight.
 As the post title states, I have some lyrics for ya'll. I do just want to give a very brief background to what inspired them, and hopefully help them make sense. (Although many popular song lyrics are hopelessly ambiguous, these may seem that way at first, but with the proper context, they're really quite specific).
  I've always found 1 King 19 very interesting, and it's been the subject for some of my art (not yet posted). I'll briefly touch the story now, but I recommend you look it up on here. If you're not familiar with the preceding events of the passage, read chapter 18 too.

 The historical event took place... a long time ago, in the land of Israel. The reigning king was an evil man named Ahab, with an even more evil wife named Jezebel, and they had done a pretty thorough job in making God's chosen people completely pagan. If that wasn't bad enough, they made a point of searching out any followers of the One True God and puting them to death. The prophet at that time, Elijah, was a fearless and righteous man, carrying out God's orders, performing miracles in His Name, and letting people know what God was saying to His people. And because it's important to understand, here are just a few examples of Elijah's track record with God:
 When a famine is upon the land, God provides food for Elijah by sending bread via birds carrying it to him. 1 Kings 17
 God miraculously raises a widow's son from the dead (using Elijah). Also 1 Kings 17
 God sends fire from heaven to consume an offering after Elijah prays. The fire consumes the bull, the stones - which were drenched in water - and the wet ground around it. After such a display, the whole of Israel turns back to God! 1 Kings 18
 God gives strength to Elijah in order to out-run the King's chariots and arrive at his palace first. 1 Kings 18
 Nonetheless, Elijah fears for his life when Queen Jezebel sends word to him that she's gonna rip his head off (basically), and he flees into the wilderness, sits under a tree, and fearfully asks God to take his life. The mighty man of God is afraid and discouraged, despite all that he knows and has seen! But God revives him, by sending fresh bread and water, and telling him that He, Himself, the Lord of heaven and earth, will pass by him.
 A strong wind passes by, but God is not in the gale.
 An earthquake passes by, but God is not in the ground.
 A fire rages past, but God is not in the flames.
 Finally, a gentle whisper. God gently speaks to Elijah, and asks him why he is there.
 Elijah goes on to tell God that he's been zealous for Him, but his hard work has not payed off. Now he's the only godly man left, and even so they will surely kill him. God responds by telling him that there will yet be a godly king in the land, and that there is still work to be done. Elijah's next step is to find an assistant, which he does immediately after his Holy encounter.
 See, even doing great things for God is not assurance that we'll never become discouraged. And searching for answers in the grandiose and glorious (the big things in life), rather than the still, small voice of God, will not cultivate that deeply personal, grace-filled relationship He intends for us. Connecting with God, searching for his presence, and allowing yourself to be broken before Him - this is what the Lord wants from us! It is then that we can go on and do the great works He has in store for us to do.

 Whisper in the Wilderness

Oh the things that I have seen to make me believe
The fire from Your hand
And the prowess of Your plan
Has brought a nation's heart back to Thee

Oh the power I've observed, and from I've partaken
Been fed by wildlife
Brought man back to life
The king's own chariot I've overtaken

Although I've been Your voice of truth and praise
Through these many years
Many triumphs, many tears
I shiver in the desert so afraid

Oh oh why, my Lord, do You forsake
It is not that I don't trust
Your sovereignty and justice
But now in my weakness, speak to me of grace

The stormy wind has shattered mountains
And the earth beneath me breaks
The raging fire I have seen
But your presence I still seek
You come to me, I cover my face
You revive my soul, and show the way
When I'm all out of faith
And the memories fade
You whisper in the wilderness


That is all I have for now. More to come!

(Written by Michaela Johnson. All rights reserved)