Monday, September 5, 2016

I'm that girl - an introspection

Part of my campus!

 First 2 weeks of classes done at Penn State! For being more than several hours away from my home state and embarking on a completely new, 4-year journey here in Pennsylvania, my life doesn't seem too out-of-the-ordinary. Maybe because life situations just constantly change for me, and maybe because the climate and terrain here are nearly identical to what I'm used to, I can't say.
 For those of you who don't know, I'm a 21-year-old freshman at Penn State, as of... 2.5 weeks ago! Studying Biochem and Molecular Biology (mostly gen ed for now, with a little physiology and math mixed in there), getting used to dorm life, and being surrounded by 40,000 people about my age: this is new to me! 
 Anyway, that's my update, along with a little non-rhyming word... conglomeration. A poem, perhaps? Basically saying that it's ok to be different, to be you, to think harder and stand out for the right reasons. I started thinking about whilst grocery shopping with my boyfriend, listening to your typical top-20 pop hits playing in Wal-Mart, and observing the droves of people that I've become accustomed to seeing and interacting with as of late. Just a few thoughts of mine put down on paper. 

I’m that girl
An introspection by Michaela Johnson

I’m not the kind of girl that boys write songs about
I took this pic in November '15
There’s no 21st century stereotypical beauty in my mirror
And while I have good tastes I also have respect
My body is my own and I clothe it with dignity

And while it’s true that I have a kind heart
And my tongue is laced with tact
I will not humor the choices that destroy those I love
The choices everyone else tip-toes around
I’m not that kind of girl

Some will know me as “the quiet one”
Because I refuse to take part in gossip
And idle words rob the mind of reason
And only turn the utterer to slander

It will leave me out of some circles
I’m odd; I’m “too old for my age,” you see
The one with longer shorts and shorter hair
The one “who would make a good mother;
“She’s that kind of girl”

And I guess I’d rather stay home and do laundry
Than go out and party on Friday night
Because I don’t wish to be made a fool of
And Saturday’s sun rises just as early

If you ask me for advice expect it to be practical
Expect me to put thought into a response
The response to any question asked me, really
But do not take this for any lack of wit
That’s the kind of girl I am

Some would speculate that I’ve been sheltered
That perhaps I’m afraid to try new things
And maybe I’m oblivious that I’m a little different
But abstinence does not mean ignorance

No, innocence does not make me naïve
And silence does not rid me of an opinion
Behind this face, though more naked than most
I have seen and felt more than anyone knows
Yes, I know the girl that I am

And the eyes that smile and seem to laugh
Have peered through the darkest of nights
And grown weary from coveted, yet elusive rest
And searched feverishly for light when none was found

Because all of the girl you now know to be me
Was stripped, layer by layer, from my heart
And I had to decide who I would recover to be
So my identity was forged in the flames
And so that’s the girl I am

I guess you could say that God has been good to me
Because I have been revived to a stronger state
And I have chosen to be compassionate
And I have chosen to be grateful, and gracious

Although I’m not necessarily memorable
And I doubt I’ll ever garner great attention
I choose love, and peace, and patience
And I’ll be fiercely loyal to those I choose to love
I’m that girl

I would say my independence has been tempered
On my own, and yet never alone
I’ve discovered that I’m strong
And yet not so strong to exclude others

I’ll admit I’m not unshakable, unbreakable
And sometimes… sometimes I’m a little fragile
I’m not the one to succeed in everything I wish to
I’m not the pillar of strength I want to be
No, I’m not that girl

And I’m not the one who is always put together
The one who is never sad or neglectful
So if you’re looking for super woman
I may have her hips, but I’ll never have her heart

But for everything I’m not, there’s something I am
If I’m not the prettiest, I have a good head on my shoulders
If I’m not the smartest, I’m at least determined
If I’m not perfect, I am definitely human
That’s me; I’m that girl